first comes love, then comes...

When my grandma found out I was pregnant she asked my father to remind me "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage." I was not married. Dun, dun, dun. We had been discussing marriage since we met. In fact, we had been discussing child rearing ideas since we met. We attended parenting classes together a year before I found out I was pregnant. But we hadn't gotten a marriage license and to many in my family this was a huge no-no. There wasn't consideration for the fact that we lived together, were committed to eachother, and ultimately committed to raising a child together. This cannot be said of many married couples. I am not one who believes marriage to be an outdated institution. But much like sex and intimacy are completely different things, so are commitment and marriage. We did get married. We hadn't planned to tell people we were married and wait until we had a big ceremony. We went ahead and got our marriage license for practical purposes, specifically the rights that come along with being married- before the baby came. But both of us surprised ourselves with how different it felt to be officially married and ended up telling the world because we were happy about it. I don't know when the big ceremony will happen. I do know it will probably resemble a bar be que more than a traditional church-reception gig.   In any case there is nothing like becoming pregnant out of wedlock to make you realize that the values system of the general population has not veered far from the 1950's.

This parenting business is difficult.  And wonderful.  But when we hit a bump in the road I don't often find myself looking to my marriage license to get us through though.  That's all I'm saying.

Love, babies and marriage if ya wanna, 

Mama